F*ck love

[M.]

I seriously have no sex drive. I swear to god. Ever since September I've been depressed in the L-O-V-E department, and after being romanced by a foriegner, I realized I still had intense feelings for the Cap, and of course, dealing with our painful separation. It's a dark period when you're just not in the mood because you're not attracted to ANYONE at ALL (but you fantasize about intimate times with him a lot). Like in that episode in Sex In the City, (don't watch that much, roommate busted it out in the living room one night) where that blonde woman who likes sex and sleeps around ('sexually liberated'), anti-relationship, ended up sleeping with her boss and liking him. When rumors has it that he woos another woman, at some cocktail party she got upset. Her friends made a comment about how she could just... get anyone she wanted, at the party. She made a fuss, storming while pointing at hot dudes, "I don't want to sleep with 'him' (1 dude).... and not even 'him' (another dude)... or even him!(another dude)"

that's exactly how I felt. Her friend offered other options but what she was saying was that he was irreplaceable.

So I'm trying to come to terms that it ended, so I could let go. I could say 'thank you' and move on. That relationship was all about control/power/ and projection anyway, me and the cap. Lord.

So, like my scorpio coworker said, "When I set expectation for anyone, they usually fail, so I won't even going to set anymore expectation." Fuck it. I am good at home painting and crap anyway. I finally realize that if I can't find enjoyment with others I'm just going to work, work work my ass off, and just spend time painting, which is work anyway in a different kind. Anyway, workaholic taurus, yes it's true.

My next priority will be my career.

Actually my first priority will be my career.

Eff everything.

Eff school.

Eff everyone. All. ALL.

Speaking of dudes, I moved into a trendy neighborhood in NYC, and then... I don't know if it's me projecting, but I feel like there are a lot of loser 24 year old here. Here are of course the one who's all trendy and hip and indie and hipsterish and super clique-ie. Then, there's the washed out 30 yr old something who still think they're 22 and has roommates. Huh. Musicians, artists, etc. My point is, I kind of don't like it here dating wise. I am considering making it down to the financial district and such because I miss dating a 33 yr old financial trader! I totally lucked out that time because he was hot, actually worked out, and well... another capricorn. But anyway. A little older dude who's very different and lives a seprate life than me sounds good. Hot as well.
sighs. ?

[M.]

also the fact that he was the best at oral doesn't help anything. Anyone who is bad at oral is my dealbreaker, and he was in fact - like I said - my cup of tea. UGH!!!

[M.]

true: I am a pisces rising. I seek Virgo boring ones. God, the capricorn was pretty boring but that was so hot that he was sooooo methodical and traditional.

Am I too possessive? I am. He's mine, and I still think he's mine, and I can't think other wise and maybe this is why it's so hard.

[joswanprince]

Your demographic has similar tone about your gender, ur values and personality as well. If u are a sugar, you don't need more sweets, you need a coffee :) We are human always try to find our complement. If you are a creative 24 yo then your complement will be.. steady 32 yo with diamond cufflink ;) ok..doesn't have to be like that.^^ Lolol
Me too!! But me, I still don't know who really complements me yet..:(
Why we are like that? I guess..that's where our soul yearning..In tarot Element I correspond your case as the Swords (love preferance by mental stimulation?) :) Maybe Pentacle as well :)

[M.]

I guess I am still feel emotionally connected to him and feel like things are a little unresolved. What the fuck is this!!@!!@ Why can't it just go away, I really want it to go away already.

Did I tell you that his moon conjunct Mars CONJUNCTS my south node in Libra?? Karmic, yeah?

Ugh.

[Leo Female]

M-i am feeling the same way. Bitter, f-ck you attitude. I find that a lot of guys actualy like that in me!! They say it gives me an edge. Gibes them a challenge to work through my ice. And if they're worth it they get through!

I think some of the guys are hot!!

[M.]

Karen - I live in Williamsburg. I used to live in bushwick, but got a great, awesome deal in williamsburg, so I took it. half of the people say I sold out, half of the people are surprised at the upscale trendyness. So Williamsburg/east village/lower east side are trendy areas I must say with very young and lively demographic. Yup. :)

Leo Female - are any of them HOT? Haha. i have to admit I am not very emotionally ready or polite right now... I am kind of bitter. Figures?

Sarah - Thanks. Haha! i am flatter and almost curious of why. But you rule.

Steamy - I can't wait to get your juicy message. Hmm.

[M.]

joswan:

Oh my god, thank god you wrote back and that I was drunk while analyzing this! I molded over this question of projection and figured it out. How I view these creative 24 year old... is actually how I view myself! Get it? I am so close to that demographic, the creative demographic. I will be freelancing and working in a creative field all my life. I am that demographic. And a lot of I witness about my demographic I don't like and that's probably how I see myself in the future. so, I look over and away from my current self to the complete opposite: someone with a 9-5 job in an office with a fixed salary (who, does not work in the creative field or in the bar hospitality business like me, ever). Goddamn.

[JacQueuf]

p.s. really, stop the torture. with jupiter fondling ur north node i dont even wanna hear it.

the square seems to be what gets u though.

[JacQueuf]

we all do. n i think ur friend may be right. venus square uranus is quite the pickle for u.
u love the excitement girl but the excitement comes and goes just as quickly.
n here i was thinking u were still experimenting with the dom.

ill send u a mssg tomorrow in ref to the chiron. ;)

[Sarah]

May I love you.