virgo needs help with a virgo

[mary sedgwick]

i met this virgo, he was a teaching assistant (not a professor, but a grad student) for a class i was taking. he seemed cold and unapproachable at first, but after i extended friendly gestures and we had some conversations he started warming up to me a little. in that sense we are very similar - i also take a while to warm up to strangers. our conversations were very academic most of the time, since in that context he was still my teacher, but we did sometimes exchange personal information about ourselves.

i started to find him quite attractive and intriguing and when the class was ended, i decided to ask him to come to a play i was working on. he seems to take everything i say at face value, and didn't seem to understand that when i asked him to come see the play that it was simply an excuse to keep in contact. he said he was definitely interested in seeing it, and asked when it was. i said i would contact him with more information.

i waited about 3 days before i shot him an email telling him about the show and how he could get tickets. i then asked him how he was, and how a project of his was going, just to make conversation. he replied a day later thanking me for the information and saying he would definitely try to go to the show. he then told me about his project and signed off with a smiley face. it was a pleasant reply, but there were no questions about me on his end, which seems to me as though there isn't an effort being made to sustain a conversation or evoke another reply from me.

i'm very used to taking the passive stance in dating. so now, i'm not sure if i should still go for it and just ask him out (i was using this as a means of feeling out the situation), or if i should just assume he is not interested and move on. any advice?

btw, i am also a virgo.

[AprilAries]

I wouldn't hold out too much hope for this. Even a grad assistant TA isn't going to want to bring scrutiny on himself by dating a former student. If he's looking to remain in academia, that sort of stuff is really frowned upon and it could compromise future classes if it gets around that he got hit on and dated a former student. He is likely being polite because he likes you as a person, but his taking you at face-value is a sure sign that he doesn't want to go there. I would leave it alone, personally. If you push it, you risk completely alienating him. If you become aggressive about wanting more, I am pretty sure he will distance himself from you.

[mary sedgwick]

perhaps you are right.
i was wondering if it was appropriate. though we are in two entirely different fields, and since the class is over, will never cross paths again academically since i will not take another class from that department. this was also a summer class and isn't as serious. i will also be graduating in a few months time.
but what you are saying sounds very sensible.
i don't actually want to 'hit on him', but i would like to become friends and see if anything comes of it. i'm more into the idea of developing a friendship first.

[Capricorn]

I think April makes good points. The only thing I would add is that if he said he would "definitely" go and put a smiley face on his email, don't you think he is being friendly enough? I would just be patient and let the man ask you out if he decided he wants to. Why be the aggressor is my point...patience, patience.

[sexy_cancer24]

Why be the agressor is my point....patience,patience.

So true Capricorn. Patience is a virtue with these guys and these are definitely not the guys to chase. I think it turns them off big time.