Taurus - taking it slow or just friendship ?

[Filomena]

That is my old story....Now turn to page 8 - new Taurus, new Santa Barbara ! ))))

I fall for this sexy smart Taurus guy at work. He seems to like me too, I secretely think he is in love )))), is eying me from every corner passionately, speaking mainly with me, everybody noticed our closeness BUT all this .... since...July....we went strolling in our district several times and to lunches and he was writing me on the Net when was in business trip - I feel that we are made for each other, so much fun with him and soooooo sexy ))))....In Sep/October he got extremely possessive, even mean and now does not allow me to talk to other guys....even that we don't have a proper relationship yet....He likes the idea that I belong to him. He said he is very conservative in a relationship and does not allow woman to be independent.....This is all weird because he actually never asked me out for a date....he always gets out of the office with me as if by chance....he touched my hands several times but....we still don't go out as normal couple....Can Taurus hesitate for such a long time ??? And I know he is single....I am kind of tortured.....

[Filomena]

Right, I see what you mean....but, how do you qualify playing which lasts 5 months ? And that including REAL possessiveness, jealousy, dominating, flirting, touching, making promises (...I will never play with anybody's feelings....I will never lie to you...).....all this lead to a situation where he limits our relationships to talking and when I want to see him he is playing games....I am flirty myself but not to that extent...Come on, this is inadequate.

[BabyTaurus]

well, maybe he was pursuin u but in the end didn't feel like he was ready for it or mayb he felt u guys werent matched up?

i'm not sayin that wat he did was right i was just statin that thats how i feel, it takes A LONG time to make up my mind bout somethin. it took me 8 months of on n off with my boyfriend before we dated to make up my mind. put together with a lot of dramas and hesitation.

we're happy now though, been togetha for 3 years.

i can honestly say being with a taurus is all bout patience, we need time to think.. over n over n over again. then when we've had our minds made up theres no budgin. i think your better off without it cos ur a libra and all.

what he did wasn't fair

[Carmen]

He said Your calculus is wrong - it's 50/50...either we meet or we don't. )))


Seems like a controlling statement...he wants to continue having this power over you and by him instilling doubt about whether or not you will get to see him is him playing you like a puppet. Sorry no offense, but that line just threw me off, I've heard my dad say similar things to my mom when he was in a bad mood and didnt feel like doing certain things. In a way its kinda like saying "I'll do it if I WANT to not because you suggest it or tell me to". As much as your feelings are great for this guy, IGNORE him. Or even just tell him something like "have fun in the states, u wont mess with my feelings anymore because Im done with you, you're boring anyway". Hurt his ego, show him he has NO power over you and im sure that will shake him up.

[Filomena]

Thanks Carmen, I kinda done it.....after this 50/50 statement, I felt offended and wrote him that he should not play with my feelings, as he promised. I said that I don't want anything from him, just preserve our relationship which is important to me. That if he does not want to see me now it's ok, we can speak on the phone, but I don't want this mindf..king. He replied that he had no intention to ruin our relationship and that I am overreacting. Basically I am booking a holiday right now and leaving, will make a pause of 2-3 weeks and then we will see. I don't mind controlling, but when nothing happens except that power games it's bulls..it. I undertand he is getting fired and stuff, but I don't want his games, he could be more sincere, this is disrespectful.

[Filomena]

Hi Curious....thanks for asking )....well....I stopped talking to him before Christmas, in 3 weeks time he wrote to me, we started communicating again, in a very flirty style as before and again he was romantic and tender and gave me a glimpse of hope, it was definitely not a friendship style talks...then he invited me to dinner.
And it was the ugliest dinner I ever had in my life.
Basically we got drunk. I wanted the truth from him. He said he is going to USA for 6 months (got fired finally) and that he "hasn't got any serious attachements here in Moscow, we are only friends, arent't we ? "))))). He wanted to see my reaction. I got very angry because I felt as if he was playing with me..I asked him how he sees our relationship and what kind of relationship it is.
He said that I initiated this relationship and that we like each other but he only wants to be friends. I said that my friend (our common colleague, I hang out a lot with her these days) doesn't like him and that she says we don't have anything in common )))) he got very angry....then I said I am going to get married....by that time we were quite drunk and I was on the brink of crying....He shouted at me....he said he needs to know whom with....so I described the guys who are currently in love with me and want to tie the knot (there are two actually)))....he said that he is not suitable for me or smth like that....we left the restorant, and were going back and forth on the street, I was crying he was very angry, and we said very bad words to each other....that continued for another hour....very ugly....he sad that he is not going to talk to women at all anymore and that I am a drama queen and stuff )))) I said he played with my feelings....he insisted on our friendship, but I said that I am not in the kindergarden and that we both have enough friends....he said he doesn't want to have sex with me because I have too much feelings for him and he doesn't want a relationship....he said he is a piece of shit, if only I knew I wouldn't have such a reaction.he hugged me and kissed on the cheek...in the very end he asked me whom I really love...I said that it's none of his business....))) , and he shouted that he absolutely needs to know....I said it's him....he said I have to go home and go to bed ....and we parted....SUCH AN UGLY END to a relationship full of romanticism, tenderness and humour and sincere talks....I can't believe it happened to me....It was on Saturday and he hasn't been online since, not once.....

[Carmen]

Ugh what a controlling man! I think that you should definitely just move on completely, especially now that he is going to the US. He doesnt deserve your time and energy and HE is the initiator of drama, he has been trying to put the blame on you and you dont deserve such negativity in your life. Typical taurus man trying to control and be possessive over something that he doesnt even want to really pursue! You are so much better off, good luck to you, it is great you received some closure and saw how he really is.

[Filomena]

Is he human at all ??? I am in for controlling and possessive men but when they love me....Frankly, I don't feel better off at all and I still love him. How stupid. And there are those guys ready to marry me and I don't love either of them.....WTF.....

[Carmen]

It is just normal that it takes time for our hearts to let go. Believe me I have been in MANY situations with men that I knew were not good and I stayed around hoping for the best, but I knew deep down that it would take time for me to actually begin the process of letting go emotionally. Just know that once you begin to realize how negative, ungrateful and shameful he is, you will focus on what better things will come your way from now on. Sometimes when we are so engrossed on one individual that drains us mentally, we can not focus on the others that are so committed and devoted to us. Its a process hun, you will get over it, but just keep reassuring yourself that this man is no good.

[curious]

Hi Curious....thanks for asking... It sounded rather jucy..my Leo in Mars like a lot of drama and I wanted to get involved....well....I stopped talking to him before Christmas, in 3 weeks time he wrote to me, we started communicating again, in a very flirty style as before and again he was romantic and tender and gave me a glimpse of hope, it was definitely not a friendship style talks...then he invited me to dinner.
And it was the ugliest dinner I ever had in my life. I'm at the edge of my seat!
Basically we got drunk. I wanted the truth from him. He said he is going to USA for 6 months (got fired finally) and that he "hasn't got any serious attachements here in Moscow, we are only friends, arent't we ? "))))). He wanted to see my reaction. I got very angry because I felt as if he was playing with me..I asked him how he sees our relationship and what kind of relationship it is.
He said that I initiated this relationship and that we like each other but he only wants to be friends. I said that my friend (our common colleague, I hang out a lot with her these days) doesn't like him ....ooooo, that is pretty harsh, you should not bring up your friends opinions'..it is not fair to him and is automatically taken as an attack, it could be taken as a breach of trust if you tell him you tell all your friends about your (private) relationship, I'm sure you had your reasons though. On the flip side though I know how important friends can be in situations like this your realtionship/friendship shouldand that she says we don't have anything in common )))) he got very angry....then I said I am going to get married....by that time we were quite drunk and I was on the brink of crying....He shouted at me....he said he needs to know whom with....so I described the guys who are currently in love with me and want to tie the knot (there are two actually)))....(the fact that you needed to show him that other guys love you proves that you were giving lot in the relationship and he was not reciprocating...if he was making you feel loved (and that is what you deserve in a relationship - nothing less!) you would not do that, so he said that he is not suitable for me or smth like that....we left the restorant, and were going back and forth on the street, I was crying he was very angry, and we said very bad words to each other....that continued for another hour....very ugly....he sad that he is not going to talk to women at all anymore and that I am a drama queen and stuff )))) (yes, I can see how what you said would really hurt him..especially having lost his job...in effect he just got a one-two punch to his manhood.
you were expecting more responsibility from him and he probably was feeling pretty liberated, from loosing his job....sounds like, he would rather go follow his wanderlust that settle down and commit, too bad it had to be so ugly, but the effect probably would be the same if you had a cordial dinner, sounds like he is going to do what he wants no matter what you say..and of course you find that attractive, most women love a guy that stands his ground and does not give into their demands. In the long run would you really have liked it if you slept together and then he ran off to the USA to sleep with other girls at parties? After his travels he may sort life out for himself and come back a more committed person...depends upon what kind of bond you created while together. Take the time to objectively think about what you like about him and then you may be able to decide if you want to wait for him. if you can find out his motivations for wanting to go to the USA that may help you understand his commitment potential..if he has a plan and is focused upon making professional contacts and looking for jobs in the USA..then he may be keeping in mind providing for a future spouse. However, we are coming up on the Spring break season (Mar-April)..maybe he just wants to go party...if that, then you would really have to like him a lot to put up with that. up to you if you wa not having I said he played with my feelings....he insisted on our friendship, but I said that I am not in the kindergarden and that we both have enough friends....he said he doesn't want to have sex with me because I have too much feelings for him and he doesn't want a relationship (oh, then he is going to go party, LOL....he said he is a piece of shit, if only I knew I wouldn't have such a reaction.he hugged me and kissed on the cheek...in the very end he asked me whom I really love...I said that it's none of his business....))) , and he shouted that he absolutely needs to know....I said it's him....he said I have to go home and go to bed (either he is a master game player or he simply is not interested, it is not his time to settle down, he wants to go party)....and we parted....SUCH AN UGLY END to a relationship full of romanticism, tenderness and humour and sincere talks....I can't believe it happened to me....It was on Saturday and he hasn't been online since, not once..... (seems to me loosing his job gave him the green light to be free and go on a mission to go sew his wild oats...most guys..even if they are playing games would come around in short order if you said you loved them...it is a great compliment and a major turn on if they are into you. Basically, part of your attraction to him stems from his uncontrollability, but if he is going away for >=6 months better for your sanity to drop him. You are probably not attracted to the other two because they don't stand their ground, do whatever you say and are too nice. Think about it

[Filomena]

Right....he is going to States to study English, because that's why his career is not advancing and that gave him a lot of grief and Ego-depressing moods this year, as he put that to me. He is definitely not a party guy, I know him pretty well, he is staying at home reading books. However, he is quite a strange individual, very introvert, not going out at all, his friends say he is weird....he didn't have a girlfriend at least for the last 2 years, may be never....(only casual sex). So, I was the only person he was speaking to at work and I saw it as a sign of sympathy. He was also sincere and open. He said he wanted to be friends but our relationship was not a friendship, I saw that he is drawn to me sexually, you know guys are no able to hide it ))))))))). So I was very offended that because of my apparent feelings he doesn't even want to have sex with me....this is stupid. We we attracted to each other but you can't stay friends forever. So now the idea is that he doesn't love me and there is no point for me waiting for him to come back from States. Thoug I have this strange feeling....always had, looking at his reactions....that is is not allowing himself to love, suppressing his own emotions....may be he will loosen up in States, will understand himself better and stop being afraid....But by that time I may get married .....(((((

[yoyoeboni]

my brother a Taurus
he love high standerd women
women with refined test
women which cost him a lot of money
women who fell the need to be help by man
he very very controlling
like courtship
love long term relationship
he never wrong
stuck in is his own ways
when here any kind of problem even if he started it he gone

i hope that help

[GreatBull]

"He likes the idea that I belong to him. He said he is very conservative in a relationship and does not allow woman to be independent"

you can either leave him alone or tell him straight up that his behavior is unacceptable, if it's unacceptable.