Taurus - taking it slow or just friendship ?

[Filomena]

That is my old story....Now turn to page 8 - new Taurus, new Santa Barbara ! ))))

I fall for this sexy smart Taurus guy at work. He seems to like me too, I secretely think he is in love )))), is eying me from every corner passionately, speaking mainly with me, everybody noticed our closeness BUT all this .... since...July....we went strolling in our district several times and to lunches and he was writing me on the Net when was in business trip - I feel that we are made for each other, so much fun with him and soooooo sexy ))))....In Sep/October he got extremely possessive, even mean and now does not allow me to talk to other guys....even that we don't have a proper relationship yet....He likes the idea that I belong to him. He said he is very conservative in a relationship and does not allow woman to be independent.....This is all weird because he actually never asked me out for a date....he always gets out of the office with me as if by chance....he touched my hands several times but....we still don't go out as normal couple....Can Taurus hesitate for such a long time ??? And I know he is single....I am kind of tortured.....

[Filomena]

Chatted today on the internet, he was in the bad mood, we talked about skating but he is not enthusiastic and was not nice overall, throwing nasty jokes at me. he said he is hungry but no time for lunch, so I teased him a bit with the description of a juicy stake. Not romantic at all !!!!! So I left the conversation.

[Filomena]

The thing is when I am nice and tender to him, he does not necessarily react, as anyone does even out of politeness. He is really behaving as a capricious child and playig with words to tease me in the wrong way. Another conversation like this and I am fed up. And will go skating with another guy and will tell HIM about it.

[Sarah]

Yea okay I get you. You dont know what sign his venus is in, do you? I know my taurus has his venus and aries and exhibits what you could call "playground love". The whole idea that hitting a girl (not hard of course) or pulling her hair makes her like you. It's supposed to be attention getting, not hurtful.

Like gemini moon said, the internet conversations are impersonal. My guy is really awful to have a phone/internet conversation with. In person it's really lovely dovey but he's pretty much a jerk to people on the phone. I dont know if it's a control thing...because when you talk to someone in person you have more control in understanding their reactions/emotions, but on the telephone it leaves everything up to chance. That's something they dont like. Being secure in emotions, and control of the situation is important for them.

When you say 'nasty jokes' can I ask what? They probably weren't intentional. I think some taurus guys subconciously test the females they are attracted to, maybe to see if they can put up with it. When not, they start to worry. But Im not sure and this is only from experience with three taurus's. Every person has a different chart and a different upbringing.

I think you should stop worrying Filomena!!!! He's not decent like us. A taurus is the animal grazing the fields and we are the balanced air that blows the grass. We think we are 'above' others and constantly change. He's arrogant, but very grounded and hates change. It's a really great learning experience.

Im rooting for you!

[Filomena]

The conversation : )))))))))))
Me: Hi (lips sign), how are things ?
Him: Hi...normal, but missing smth...btw, what is this lips sign means ?
Me : It's a kiss. Me missing smth too. Btw I found a skating rink in our district.
Him: What are you missing ? Me - a good steak...
Me : we can lunch, I didn't et yet
Me : may I am missing someone, not something....
Him : unfortunately I can't go, too busy (((
Me : Think about skating, you can leave a bit earlier but wear jeans, you should like it if you play hockey....
Him : I can't leave earlier
Me : ok, there are sessions at 18.00 and 19.30
Him : ok, I can quit my job now, so I can do sessions all night long...
Me : Is this picture of mine too provocative ?
Him : Nah, not at all. But I have already seen this one, show me another one.
Me : So I see you are in a bad mood. Should be for your work. Look, don't worry you are an excellent trader !!
Him : Yeah, right......
Me : Do you want a juicy, tender steak with mash potato right now ?
Him : Hey, don't you tease me !!))))))))))))))))))

This is not funny, neither tender, nothing romantic bad mood crap.

[Filomena]

Gem Moon, he didn't say he can't go skating, that was about lunch, he couldn't leave for lunch )). I'ts just normally he is much warmer and funnier, our exchanges are different. He is worried about his job situation, I know it. And I know he likes skating because once speaking with me (when we just et each other) he said Why don't we go skating (but that didn't work for a reason).
What I am worried about is that he can allow himself to treat me like this....

[Sarah]

I dont get it either. It sounds normal to me. I think you are taking it all to seriously. You are obviously looking for open affection or romantic acceptance and he isn't giving it to you so openly and this frustrates you. Then you are very sensitive to any precieved 'insults'.

First point: Telling him you want to go skating, and the times, is a bad idea. Hinting about wanting to go skating is normal. Asking someone to go with you is full of expectation for a response. This applies right now only to a normal taurus guy generalization. Example: when I ask my guy if we can go to the movies on saturday, at 19:00, and I want to order tickets, he gets uncomfortable and says he doesn't know if he has time. I say OK and let it go. On saturday he shows up with tickets and takes me to the movies. But the point is that he did this from himself, and wasn't forced to make time. They are very cautious and don't like to promise anything because they dont want to dissapoint anyone. It's not like the aquarius avoiding appointments/times because they dont like to be tied down; it's more of a situation where he wants to have all the facts before deciding. He applies this concept to most things he considers. He's also doing this with you in the moment.

Second: Dont try playing mind games. I saw you wrote, "maybe I am missing someone, not something...". I dont know anything else about his chart, but these guys aren't fans of flirting like this. They will take your implications at first value, and think you are missing 'someone'. This could be a new boyfriend or someone other than him. It's too confusing to leave that stuff out! (I love mind games too but they are boring after a while)

Third: His job is his life so be careful when referring to it. They like to be secure and if his job security is threatened he gets uncomfortable. His jobs provides him with money to buy more stuff. He likes to have lots of stuff around him! So he puts a large importance on his work. Don't give him reason to believe that you are needy and don't like how much he works. That is a red flag because he doesn't want to change how much he works. Not now at least. You can get him to stop working so much a while into the relationship, but it takes time!!!!!!

He was cute with you! "Hey don't you tease me!!!". He could have also said, "Hey F**k off". Which is nicer? He was nice about your picture too. Honest. He basically complimented you and wanted to see another one. Then you said he was in a bad mood? Maybe you misunderstood it.

[Filomena]

I see your point Sarah )) you guys obviously don't have a full picture, because it's private and there is stuff that happened before blah blah ))) I mean, if the bloody guy does not want to go skating - just say it !!! )))) what's the big deal ??? His comments related to work is because he risks to lose it because of financial crisis. He is insecure. Now, two things - 1. about missing smth - it was a word play, because normally he said that meaning me and now he jokes saying that it is really a steak (funny - ok, but quite harsh on me). 2. My existance does not make him forget his work problems. SAD. And - he did not propose HIS plan. The overall impression (at least mine) is - I don't give a F..K about you, dont' want to go out with you. ))))))))))) OR MAY BE I AM HYSTERICAL because I feel he is playing with my feelings. And he said he never does it. All bastards )))))))))))))))))))

[Sarah]

He won't tell you he doesn't want to go skating or not. That's just how he is. He will leave it open and consider what's going on.

Of course he is insecure about his job. He wants to keep his work above everything. This is also because of you/a relationship as well. He wants to make sure he can earn a secure income to have a relationship. This is just how he thinks. Very conventional but stable. So no, you cannot make him forget his work. You are also work for him. He works on everything in his life. Work, work, work. He gets lazy when he's at home from work though! At least you've been warned!

Yes you are hysterical. He is not playing with your feelings. He doesn't know how to play with someone's feelings, and wouldn't do it anyway because he's too lazy to figure out how to hurt you.

On the plan thing -- he won't tell you his plans for taking you on dates. He will just show up eventually and take you skating. Thats just how it works. I dont understand it either. He wants control over almost everything. Because if he's in control, he feels stable. Libra's are the same in some ways -- we want control to make sure everything is fair, or at least fair for our standards. It's also really frustrating for others.

[Filomena]

Thanks Sarah, you are like mother to me )))) Look, I can see I am being paranoic. But this is for 2 reasons - 1. He is going too slowly. We know each other for 5 months now. I personally don't need any more dating ))))))))))). You see what I mean )))))))). 2. I had a crazy and very painful platonic relationship with Taurus (!!!) last year. He kept saying we are anly friends and kept teasing me and writing love oems and sending white roses and stuff. It all ended up in a nasty sms exchange when I said he is either a homosexual or a just wanker )))))). But I was in love with him and it took me 6 month to get over him. So I don't believe noone and especially Tauruses. How is your relationship doing ? Any particular difficulties with Taurus ?

[Sarah]

Yea I can see your frustration with the moving slowly. I guess in my situation I can't relate -- I took the situation into my own hands and professed my love for my taurus to his face, in an honest and sincere way. It worked because I knew he really liked me. His moon is in cancer and his rising in leo, so that might have been something of a time mover. We're wild together though, my sag rising and his leo rising brings us into most of the fire/activity in our relationship. Emotionally we click because of our water moons -- his cancer and my scorpio placement. Most of our fighting is influenced from my scorpio moon being opposite his taurus sun. There's lots of attraction but lots of dissagreement because we are both hard-headed.

The biggest difficulty in our relationship is the dissagreements. It's not even that we dont' agree, it's mostly that we are both too stubborn to accept the other person's ideas or views. A lot of that is smoothed out with my libra sun and mercury though -- I tend to place peacemaker almost everytime. What I can't stand about him is the changing thing. It takes a lot of effort and manipulation to actually get him to change anything serious. By himself he is very determined and I've noticed he can stop doing something from one day to the next, but other trivial things are hard to change. He's also pretty skeptical to most things. He doesn't understand the worth of friendships, ideas, philosophy, etc. He only believes in what he can see/touch by himself. It's really fun going on a nature walk with him because he can spend hours touching the earth and telling me the names of pretty much any plant we see (he's a gardner =)).

But there are lots of pros to his cons. He's really stable. He's very loving, and does a lot to make sure I'm happy. He works a lot, and saves money for the future. He is determined and helpful, even though he can be pretty lazy at night. The sex is amazing. He's always there when I need him, and doesn't shy away from hardship.

Control can be a problem. He's not possessive in a sense that he's jealous all the time. He's actually more open than other guys I have dated. His trust is lasting, and it's hard to mess that up. He just likes to have control. The trick is to make him at least think he has control. Works with most men I think.

Tauruses are very interesting to me..I still can't figure out how he can fall asleep so quickly. My head is always running with thoughts and when I watch him it's like watching a slow motion movie. While I'm running around like crazy, he's sitting there watching me with a smile on his face. The taurus-libra connection is really nice. You guys will enjoying watching movies, eating good food, and judge things artistically very similar. I think it's the venus in both signs.

Stop being hysterical! Stop thinking too much! Your so gorgeous in your picture! It's no wonder this guy is falling for you. =)

[Filomena]

Thanks honey, your relationship sounds quite what I am looking for - I need this stable immovable force to calm me down from "running thoughts in my head".....We exchanched very nice funny smses today, I think he just enjoys teasing me a lot. This is probably part of his desire for control, looks like it. Kind of his Macho Thing )))))))))
I told him that sometimes I don't get his jokes and think what he really means...he said Don't look for a deep meaning, just relax and lough....He was very tender today. Ok, let's see....I hope that this next date should lead us to the next step.

[Filomena]

Gem Moon, you are right in a way, he was sarcastic, I noticed as well, but when I said he was in a bad mood I meant that normally he likes skating and last week when we spoke about it he was quite acceptant of the idea....you see that's why when I saw this sarcasm I assumed he is just not in the mood....we are both Russian ))))))))) VERY SARCASTIC people, Russians love cynical humor and because we are a third world country lol we don't have all those American political corectness requirements, which makes our life more enjoyable. My sister lives in Florida and every time i come to visit she gives me the list of words I can't say in public )))) . Though Americans are much more open to meet new people than Russians. Where do you live ?