SCORPIO MOTHER HELL!

[erica17um]

Ok. This problem is as much a parental child dynamic as much as an astrological dynamic here goes.

My mum and eye have always had this tension between us, she is scorpio with leo moon and i cancer with scorpio moon! In the past she was very controlling, used to beat me up i mean sadistic bullshit and i use to make excuses for her saying 'its how she grew up', 'its the culture she comes from'. The funny thing is that even after all this i used to still defend her like some love deprived puppy just wanting her to love me! I'm embarassed for myself!

Anyhow one day she was beating me up i just grabbed her hand and said to her don't touch me anymore, she did and i gave it to her. I'm not proud of that but thats were i was at at the time. I later went to uni and escaped for her. With the whole credit crunch and crisis bullshit i had to move back to hers! i've got quite an extensive student debt and overdraft. I've been working to pay that off and she tells me she wants to start charging me rent and i'm like thats fine but after i pay off the overderaft then she tells me the amount she wants me to pay and my jaw drops!

I say to her i might as well just move to london for that amount of rent and shes like your welcome to do that really coldly. Also she knows she can't hurt me physically and she does it verbally and emotionally now! although i'm quite broke and i had all these plans of how i was going to structure my life for the next to years, i feel like i would be better off leaving my mums house and moving to London. I'm scared because well i have enough money to last me 6 weeks only but i can't live like this anymore.

What do you think? Am i thinking impulsive and irrationally or should i just take the chance! I can stay with a friend for a while but i'd prefer to leave before her generosity runs out. Hmm what to do?

[dawn]

Erica,

My sympathies for your current situation...you are obviously a very strong and resilient girl. Your current situation can't be easy to live in and it's obviously damaging for both your mental and emotional well being. By all means take any advice given with a grain of salt, because we must all ultimately decide what is best for ourselves. However, that being said...if I were in your shoes (and I have been in similar situations)...I would opt to move with my friend. I know it's only a temporary option, so once there I would diligently seek out another place to stay...perhaps find some others willing to share a rental place? I know it's a frightening prospect, and perhaps that's what your mom is counting on to bully you into staying at a higher price. Sometimes once we take the first step away from a troubling situation, our peace of mind returns and we are then able to see other options and doors open up for us. I've found that living in abusive environments can sometimes be more of a cross to bare than simply stepping out on faith and our own resources. If however, you feel unable to take this option at the moment. I would try to sit down and have a honest heart to heart with your mom, explaining in a calm manner how you feel...and trying to better understand her point of view. Who knows, perhaps she would like to have a better relationship with you but doesn't know how to go about it. In fact, you might want to have this conversation first...and if it doesn't work out...the second option will still be waiting. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

[erica17um]

Thanks dawn and yes your right i do wan to move to london but its such a big thing and this is not the circumstance i would have like to move in but hey it might be the makin of me right?

hehe. i'm not going to speak to her because its like being rational with an irrational person, irrationality will always win out!

[dawn]

True Erica, these aren't the best circumstances to have to make such a huge move under...but you've got a fighters' spirit that demands survival. Perhaps you will look back one day, and decide this was the moment when you made a decision that changed your life for the better. You can always stop by here for advice and support...and as for the rest...you can accomplish anything...if you maintain your faith in yourself!

[AprilAries]

Babe, you need to get out of your mom's house immediately. Some people ... it pains me to say ... really don't have a "mothering" instinct. They are "mothers," yes, because they are biologically able to be so, but they don't have any sort of real affinity for motherhood. For her to have beat you needlessly when you were younger and now is on your back about rent knowing about your financial situation ...? There is something very wrong with that. If you can stay with the friend, I'd do that as long as it is feasible. Can you share an apartment in London? Maybe work awhile and have a ton of roommates? I hear London is more expensive than New York, and a lot of students your age do have to take a job or two just to make ends meet. But living with this woman will continue to break your spirit, and that is something you decidedly do not need.

I'll be thinking of you. Please let us know what you decide. *hugs*

[Louise Mulholland]

That is so sad to hear Erica ..i think you are very brave for opening up:-)

I think parents are tough we love them but they are not always easy to love and dont be embarrasses we always defend our family even when they do terrible things i once knew a scorpio girl who had been beaten by a cancer mum! And she defended her mum too. I think it is because no one ever understands a situation like that really..when someone you love does the inexcusable ..no one understands that relationship you love them but you hate them and you are hurt by them but are still close becasue no one else understands what there is between you as child and parent. We only get the one set !

When we acknowledge our parents have done terrible things we still love them ...........it is natural for children to want to be loved by their parents ...........and i am sure she odes love you she is just incredibly screwed up! (SORRY TO BE BLUNT ABOUT YOUR MUM!) But is using this to justify unscrupulous behaviour.

I am surprised and then not surprised she is not more supportive about your situation........surprised becasue of what a parents should do ....and not surprised becasue of how you describe her.

I think it is wrong for her to treat you just like any other tenant ........you are her daughter asking you to contribute is fine.....but i think it is wrong for her to be on the make financially from your situation!

And her issues regarding the way she treats you now lead me to believe the money issue is there to hurt you or control you?? She has not right to abuse in you any way..........especially your mum!

I think if only for that reason that you would be happier elsewhere and safer emotionally it might be better to leave. DO you have anyone you could share with??? Brothers sisters anyone in London who you could get a place with??

I understand your concern Ultimately only you know......but dont let fear guide you let your instincts and drive and confidence help you make a good decision! And the right one!

I think when i moved out i was so scared ( i was not in the same postiton as you though i did not have to).

IF you would be financially the same either way it really does not make a difference except for the fact that you would be happier. And perhaps there would be much better opportunities in london.

You have the experience of living away form her now and that will stand to you if you want to move.

I say if it is what you want try it!

Gosh i really feel for you...in Ireland all University is free like in a lot of other European countries....so i never had to deal with that debt situation .......it must be tough...........and my parents were much more supportive and still are!

I think you should go for it if you think you want to and leave the abuse behind .......your emotional wellfare is important!

And you can do it..just make plans see if you can find someone to go with. Or if you know of someone in london looking for a flatmate ...some connections and take it from there.........maybe see what you could do financially up there..........also in London there might be better opportunities financially.

You could try to reason with your Mum and work things out.....but i ge the impression that is unlikely and that to be honest she is abusing you and you deserve to be treated better ...you deserve for her to show her love in a better wa (because i bet and know she does love you it is just negative aspects of her character which prevent her from showing it in the way she should ........and she then exhibits inexcusable behaviour....it does not mean she does not love you she does it just means she is selfish!) She sounds ver conrolling...it would not surprise me if in fact she is afraid to be alone really.

As i said you can do it!:-) You have every reason to believe in yourself! And you have everytool within yourself to make this happen you may even find once you get there without all this BS you do much better and thrive more it woudl not surpise me that your down feelings that you expressed in the cancer thread are to do with your mum and how she is behaving toward you. Just think of how you would do without all that!!


Dont let fear or lack of confidence hold you back or make decisions for you make your internal voice your own and apositive one and don't take your others negativity in towards yourself.

Believe in yourself..............there is probably more work in London creatively and much more opportunity.........and as i said you could share ..........look into it!

I would stay as long as you can as you say until her generosity runs out but save and then go for it!

You know i am sure you can get advice form the citizens advice beuro or somewhere that helps young people in your position they could help you plan etc and perhaps help you find a place. You could move somewhere ELSE besides London somewhere even CHEAPER than your mums and stay until your over draft is paid off how about that??:-)Then when that is done then move to London:-)??
But i say go for it whatever you plan and i am sure you will make it work:-) But ask for advice form all the places you can and see if there is anyone who can help ...and anyone else you can share explore all options.

AND BE POSITIVE BECAUSE YOU SITUATION IS ALREADY CHANGING BECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY MAKING STEPS TO CHANGE IT:-)

YOU CAN DO IT! YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND HAVE SO MANY SKILLS AND ARE SO STRONG.

WE ALL NEED THE ADVENTURE. AND LOTS OF PEOPLE DO WHAT YOU DO ALL THE TIME

IT IS NOT IRRATIONAL AT ALL IT SEEMS MORE RATIONAL THAT STAYING IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION!:-)

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

There is a song by Sparks .....it is about what you need for success......the chorus is all you need is balls:-)!

And you got plenty figuratively speaking of course after all you have been through in life this is EASY in comparison!
TRUST ME i have been through a little in life and moving out is a piec of piss in comparison ! (sorry about the language:-)

But it is natural for you to be nervous.........it just means you really want this!

But that song is right ..........all you need really for the success is the confidence to try!


GO FOR IT:-)!

Do what you feel ... it is your decision BUT make your decision based on yours STRENGTHS! Lots of people do what you are thinking of and have not got have the experience and skills you have!

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! YOU HAVE GOT IT! YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT LIFE CANT YOU FEEL IT:-)??

Whatever you do will be right :-) You will make the right decision for you:-)!

[erica17um]

thanks guys i feel more and more empowered and positive about the decision i'm going to make. Lol Louise i feel so revved up with your post roar i can take on the world! I already know i'm gonna get out but i was just scared because of how expensive london is but i've managed to line up a few interviews so fingers cross i land a job coinciding with the period of my move!

Things are looking up!

Thanks April really appreciate your thoughts and words even in this difficult period for yourself! i too am thinking of you.

[dawn]

That's great Erica, I'm glad to see your courage rising to the task before you. I think once you've gotten some distance between you and your mother, your inner voice will be heard again...and you will realize how strong and capable you really are. Abusive relationships tend to take a toll on our self esteem...no matter how much we remind ourselves that the negative things being said about us are not true. Keep searching for that job and possible housing scenarios, because the more you work towards your goal and send your intentions out into the world...the more opportunities will become visible. Good luck and stay strong.

[Louise Mulholland]

See you are gonna do great:-)!

That is great news about the interviews:-)!

You wil do really wonderfully i know it:-)!

[Capricorn]

Scorpios can be tough.....do you know if she has a financial issue-is that why she would charge her daughter rent or do you think this is more about control or competition? It doesn't sound like it is in your best interests to be charged rent if she is in a position to help. In many countries, extended families are the norm and they may become more the norm in the future. If they were the norm, maybe there wouldn't be a credit/mortgage crunch! .....I like the idea of friends around you and creating a support system and maybe your mom could open up to that and you could help each other over time.....

[erica17um]

thanks for the love everyone truly i appreciate it from the bottom of me heart!

[erica17um]

Thanks Capricorn,

In answer to your question, she has got a mortgage to pay off but so have millions others. I guess it is hitting her quite hard but still its no way to speak to me. It would have been better for her to just take me to the side and put her side forward and we could have negotiated something but look now she's gonna miss out and financial help cuz at this point i'd rather enrich someone else than her.

It's sad but i can't keep making excuses or forgiving her because she doesn't learn, part of this is my fault for always excusing and forgiving her! she thinks she can do it then i'll go off but she knows i'll always come back.

[Capricorn]

Scorpios can be too tough. Good luck with all this Erica. You have a good spirit and attitude.