Problems with Aquarius Dad

[Sarah]

So yeah I don't think I've ever really posted about this before but I'm always fighting with my dad. I love him to death, but we just have problems getting along. When I was in germany or in Finland it was great to talk to him on the phone and we were really close but living with him is a different story. I thought I'd post on here to see what people could suggest to improve relations because I'm tired of always arguing, and I've realize now I have to be the 'bigger' person because he's just way too detatched to self-reflect and he's 50.

My Chart & Birth Time:
12 October 1988 11:44 a.m. Novato, California

His Chart & Birth Time:
30 January 1959 7:10 a.m. in Chicago, IL

[Crabby Patty]

That's the same problem I had with my father. He's an Aqua Sun/Taurus Moon and everything else in Aqua (can you say stubborn.) When we lived in the same house we butted heads like crazy. Once we stopped living together things became a little better and once we lived in seperate states our relationship became great. I'm a Cancer so we didn't get each other at all, but the older I get and the more our relationship becomes like a friendship the more, I appreciate him more. But it was hell growing up in a house with him. He was so very unaffectionate and lacked any emotional support that I may have needed. If it were not for my Cancer mother I would have gone insane. When I stopped looking to him for emotional comfort and just accepted him for the Aquarius he is, we became really close. Which is what I would do if I were you.

[Sarah]

Thank you Crabby!!!!!! I'm glad to hear there is hope yet.... :) I don't know anyone else with an Aqua dad.

It's a tough situation because my mother passed away some time ago and my dad is like you described - very unaffectionate and lacking in emotional support.

The funny thing is that him and my Cancer brother get along really well and I'm always jealous of that.

And lol, it took us living in separate continents to even get along over the phone! I want to move away again but I'm sort of stuck at the moment trying to finish some school and also keep my job so I'm trying to figure out how to get along better...

[Crabby Patty]

A lot of Aqua men I know tend to become more sentimental about their families with age. My dad was an iceberg when I was growing up and now he's like Bill Cosby, lol. But it took a divorce from my mother and me not speaking to him for almost a year, for him to finally fill the space that we had between us since I was a child. I was 23 when my father and I started having a real father, daughter relationship. I think that in order to change an Aqua you must change. I hope that the two of you become closer, because all girls need that type of bond with their fathers. And especiallly since he's the only parent you have. It will get better with time.

[Sarah]

I hope you're right :( Thank you so much for your support and kind words they have made me feel better.

[Michelle]

I don't have a lot of time right now, but... your Dad is very self-focused. That Sun right on his Ascendant makes it almost impossible for him to approach anything from something other than his ego. He's lucky in a way, because the way he comes off is exactly the same as who he really is. He's very stubborn...his Sun in Aquarius is in mutual reception with Uranus in Leo- he's very, very fixed- he simply won't budge (or maybe only in significant relationships with Moon in Libra in 8H). He's proud, stubborn and self-assured.

You have a strong ego too with that Mercury conjunction being the only major aspect to your Sun. You have a strong intellectual point of view and an intensely strong emotional point of view with the Moon conjunct Pluto in Scorpio. Your Moon-Pluto conjunction closely squares your father's Sun-Ascendant opposing Uranus, forming a T-square. Your deep feeling nature simply cannot understand his detachment and you are both fixed and not willing to compromise on most things. The saving grace is that his Moon conjuncts your Sun. He simply does not have the same passionate heart that you do and you have to accept that and not try to change him to be more like you are, he won't, and he can't. Approach him on his terms and realize that he doesn't have the same emotional intensity that you do, and he doesn't understand it.

[Sarah]

Wow Michelle...if that's what you can do when you don't have a lot of time I'd really like to see what you say when you have more time lol. You hit the nail on the head.

My huge problem is that I try to change others because I always seem to think that I know what's best for everyone which is something I'm working very hard on.

The saving grace is that his Moon conjuncts your Sun. He simply does not have the same passionate heart that you do and you have to accept that and not try to change him to be more like you are, he won't, and he can't. Approach him on his terms and realize that he doesn't have the same emotional intensity that you do, and he doesn't understand it.

Yes, the emotional side of me has always baffled my dad and his usually reaction is "wtf?" when I react strongly to something but I guess that's how it is, right?

Your deep feeling nature simply cannot understand his detachment and you are both fixed and not willing to compromise on most things.

Yeah, compromise is neither of our strong streaks..lol. It's weird because his dad was a scorpio sun (my grandfather) and I never got to meet him but I'd like to know if they ever butted heads as much.

That Sun right on his Ascendant makes it almost impossible for him to approach anything from something other than his ego. He's lucky in a way, because the way he comes off is exactly the same as who he really is. He's very stubborn...his Sun in Aquarius is in mutual reception with Uranus in Leo- he's very, very fixed- he simply won't budge (or maybe only in significant relationships with Moon in Libra in 8H). He's proud, stubborn and self-assured.

Yeah, i don't like to generalize, but most of my friends/family are aquarius suns and ascendants and almost all of them have huge egos :( I have a big ego too but I sometimes feel like I can improve my standing with self-reflection but most of them just refuse to do so!

Thank you again for your time!!

[Coral]

I'm a newbie to Astrology so I won't analyze your charts (what, a Virgo not analyze!?! GASP)
I will say that I struggled in my relationship with my Aquarius brother while we were growing up. We butted heads constantly. I felt very inadequate next to him because his personality was very "larger than life" while I am more on the quiet and reserved side.
He also quite rebellious and had a minor criminal bent as a youth, so he got more attention from my parents.
I resented him for that, and he thought I was a goody two shoes perfectionist who needed to loosen up (not entirely false).
When we grew up and moved out our relationship improved immensely. We talk on the phone almost every day and he is the first person I call when I have exciting news or have an off the wall I idea I want to bounce off of him.

You are still young yet and I hope that as you get older, that your relationship with your Dad will improve as mine and my brother has. At one time we barely spoke to each other and we would ignore each other. But it is amazing how time and distance can heal old wounds.
Now we are chums and I wouldn't change him for anything. I appreciate the traits in him I used to curse. And he admits, finally, that I was positive influence on straightening him out.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

[Sarah]

It sounds like your relationship with your brother is an awesome one. And yes, I've always heard the 'when you get older' advice and I believe in it, it's just hard to cope in the moment.

I but heads with my cancer brother ALL THE FREAKING TIME and it's just annoying because I wish we all could just be more loving towards each other :(

Thank you so much for your reply, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone.

[Sarah]

Yeah so like right now he just came home and I walked down to greet him and he was carrying food and I asked him what it was and he said, "Food for your brother". I asked him why there wasn't any for me and he said because there just wasn't any. I said it was rude of him to just bring home food for one sibling especially since I always ask everyone when I got out if they want any food (from subway, etc.) and he said it wasn't his problem.

[Coral]

Oh boy. They can be cold, can't they?
I don't have any specific advice but I can relate.
I remember once I was at a wedding with my brother and family and he went out of his way to get drinks and chat and joke around with everyone EXCEPT me.
It was so hurtful, and he knew it!

It's interesting that you butt heads with your Dad, who's sign is supposed to be compatible with yours.
It kind of reminds me a little of my relationship with my Mom, who is a Cap. We are supposed to get along great but it's always been rocky and again its only been in the last few years that we've finally come to an understanding.

[Sarah]

Yeah they are very cold and it makes me cry a lot when I'm alone :(

[Mowgli]

Sie kämpfte mit mir, Sie haben eine Erinnerung?? Ich AQUARIUS auch