Capricorn men in relationships....confused!!!!!

[Nightwish]

Cap guys...in relationships...Im getting mixed signals...lol...the words dont always match the actions....
Cant figure out should I hang in there or abandon it....never known a Cap guy before...

Any insights would be appreciated!!! Cheers!

[Virya]

oh, and I have the same problem with my so-called capricorn man--we are technically in a relationship, but I just don't understand how I can be in a relationship with someone who can go so long without seeing me!

....

As a cap and the caps i know...Caps generally can be emotionally involved with someone whether they see them or not. I have known many caps that can handle a long distance relationship. I know as a cap I can handle a long distance relationship because I know i want to be with them and I would be faithful and as long as there is trust in the relationship then I can be okay with not seeing them that often. Now my Scorpio moon part of me, well i think its my scopr moon, wants to see someone all the time and feels as if i want there to be some type of consumption with each other. But my cap kicks right back in telling me that I don't need to see someone all the time and also that I have my own things to focus on.
I just recently met a cap- and we talk 4-5 days a week via text, and there usually short conversations- and we live in separate states. Maybe im crazy, but it feels natural to me... other people are taken back and think its crazy that i don't really talk to him on the phone.
We are going to see each other in a couple weeks and this is when i will find out my feelings for him. I know im interested but we only met once... so seeing him again will be interesting. He is introducing me to his whole family... a good sign??? Maybe, but others think its a bit crazy. I am going with the flow and since it feels right- then thats the only thing that matters.:)

[ananda]

Caps generally can be emotionally involved with someone whether they see them or not.
That's my impression & experience too - with my Cap bf and with a Cap ff.

And I relate to that about the Scorpio moon - craving deep merging. Well, fair enough to say it's more than a craving: the moon shows what our soul's needs are.
I have Merc-Ven-Mars in Cap, so it's a strong part of me too.
My Sun/Asc are in Sadge.
So that means a real mix of freedom/independence/honesty/naive or healthy trust...and reluctance to trust/suspicion/hunger for merging/intensity ... and caution/restraint/reluctance to let go...

[Virya]

My venus and rising is in sag... so I get the freedom/independence thing... It can be a bit of a battle because I want something serious but I want my freedom too and also that deep connection/merging.


Also... i was wondering...QUESTION: Caps generally will try to do anything to get what they want. For me, I dont always get what I want and it doesnt really bother me..But with this guy i recently met... He recently didn't get what he wanted (it has to do with me)... do they tend to get turned off? feel rejected? Or find it a challenge? He knows im interested to get to know him.

[ananda]

I don't know that I know enough to answer that, other than to say my sense is that the Cap influence would be more inclined to make someone pragmatic/mathematical/statistical rather than emotional-reactive. So a pragmatic person might say that it's not worth it to invest emotionally in you, which is a different quality than turning away because they feel rejected.

I think in pure Cap/Saturn terms, they're not looking for exciting challenges, they're looking for value, stability, seriousness, etc. You don't have to move fast - in fact, they might prefer the slow pace - but you do have to show that there's some kind of long-term value or progress. Not a game.
If a Cap is into games, it's not because he's a Cap, it's because of other influences & dominant traits.

So if you're looking at a Cap Sun person, remember that their Moon will say a lot about how they react & feel, and what they need.
And natal hard aspects will show you what issues they bring into their life.

And you can't exclude the state of a person's ego and general psychological health. They may have this and that astrological placement, etc., but are they mature or immature? Do they take everything personally, or not?

If a Cap is into games, it's not because he's a Cap, it's because of other influences & dominant traits.
I wish this kind of thinking would show up more at Sass, for all the signs! I so detest those superficial blanket generalizations that crop up so often.

[Virya]

Yeah i know caps are not into games, and i know that others have other influences- he has a lot of cap in him (all his signs except merc,mars,moon,asc). Its just I have experienced a Cap before- and its interesting to the similarities-the reason why i asked was because my first cap- it didnt matter if hed get what hed want- hed fight til he got it... even if he never got what he wanted- he still fights to this day. So thats why I was curious to know if it was relative to other caps-if others have experienced this too.

I didnt mean to 'generalize' in a 'superficial' way. I was more curious to know if it was relative towards other experiences with caps. I take into consideration constantly his personal and psychological health- and I think that is a huge part of a person, and astrology doesnt necesarily make one compatible or one be a certain way.

thanks for ur reply

[ananda]

Sorry if I caused you to think I meant that you were generalizing - not the case!
I just thought of that because of my own answer, not what you said.

I do agree with you that Caps are goal-minded and determined though. Cap lends endurance. I have Mars in Cap and can work longer/function on less sleep than anyone I know...which isn't necessarily for my own good...well, gotta learn how to use it the right way.

Goal-mindedness, determination, endurance, steadiness...
After all, they are representing Saturn.

The goat on its way to the mountain top. --Incidentally, that's how I feel a lot when walking up a hill. I dislike taking breaks. I just want to get there!

But my BF for example, Cap Sun+Merc+Mars, is wired differently. I think his Pisces Venus and 12th house Moon mellow him a bit. Though...he's plenty stubborn, energetic and able. But he's also quite Neptunian.

[ananda]

How are we together when u are constantly ignoring me???

What I've come to recognize is that this feeling of he's "ignoring me" is not a fact - it's your point of view...you know what I mean?
With my Cappy, it helped me the day I was able to articulate that if I was doing what he was doing, it would mean I was ignoring/punishing/whatever-negative-verb+"ing" him. I couldn't be that distanced/seemingly detached unless I was basically telling him he's an ass and doesn't deserve my attention.
However, his behavior has to bee seen in context of his personality & relational style, not mine!
When I would talk to him about this, and through his way of being with me, he made it so clear that my interpretation does not match his reality.
I chose to be willing to see that my interpretation (projection) of his actions (nonactions) could be wrong, and apparently it was.
That doesn't mean I like it or that it's easy!!!

But like you said, when we're together, we're amazing - and by now I've had enough experience with men to know it's not always this good.

When we're together, we can talk forever, he's genuinely interested in me as a person and he values my input about his life; erotically we're a great match; he's fantastic with my daughter; he's thoughtful, appreciative; he loves to cook with me; we make each other laugh like insane people; he even says how much he likes being in our relationship and how much he likes this little family he has become part of; he makes sweet surprises for me sometimes; he's honest; he likes to include me in his interests, friends, and family, etc.

he has ruined it for all caps to come.
Well, I can understand that not everyone is cut out for the kind of patience it takes to be with a Cap, and I think each person really has to be honest with themselves about their bottom-line needs. But to say that he ruined it for all future Caps...hmm. When I was younger, I could not have handled this - it would have undermined my self-confidence way too much. I couldnt' not have taken it personally. But now, for whatever reason, it's the perfect step of growth for me: I'm learning to be less reactive, I'm learning to talk about what I really need, I'm learning to soothe myself instead of demanding that my man protect my ego, and I'm learning to appreciate different styles of giving/expressing love.

No One has made my emotions out of wack like this before
OK, first I have to say, of course I can't know what his intentions are and of course I don't know if he's like my man, but if he's anything like my man, then...honestly, I want to say that he didn't do that to you...you did that to yourself: You did it to yourself with your interpretation of his behavior. It's because of what you tell yourself that his behavior means. And if that's the place where you are, if you don't want to challenge your belief system, then it's good you get out.
Feeling destabilized really sucks.
And it's good you're doing what you have to do so you can feel good inside yourself.

Anyway, 2 months isn't so long...! But...if you say you're impatient and flighty, then maybe a Cap just can't be the best match for you. Maybe you need a guy with more fire.
I wish you the best in finding the one that matches you.

[Cusp Of Magic]

What I've come to recognize is that this feeling of he's "ignoring me" is not a fact - it's your point of view...you know what I mean?
With my Cappy, it helped me the day I was able to articulate that if I was doing what he was doing, it would mean I was ignoring/punishing/whatever-negative-verb+"ing" him. I couldn't be that distanced/seemingly detached unless I was basically telling him he's an ass and doesn't deserve my attention.
However, his behavior has to bee seen in context of his personality & relational style, not mine!
When I would talk to him about this, and through his way of being with me, he made it so clear that my interpretation does not match his reality.
I chose to be willing to see that my interpretation (projection) of his actions (nonactions) could be wrong, and apparently it was.
That doesn't mean I like it or that it's easy!!!

Totally agree with this!! When I would feel ignored I'd have to remember that I know he likes me so I know he can't be purposely ignoring me and there has to be some other meaning behind his actions so I started looking for what it was he really was trying to communicate and get across to me. I've learned you have to be secure and confident with where you stand with them cos they don't have the emotional expression to keep reasuring you of their feelings. Once they show/tell you then you need to believe it and not question it but of course make sure you fully understand how he views the relationship.

[ananda]

Yeah.
And it's such a worthwhile thing to do. When I realize that his expressions of affection are relative to his life and should not be compared against my behavior, but rather against his -- i.e., he spends more time with me than with anyone else, he calls me more than he calls anyone else (and really, shouldn't that tell me something??) -- then something in me relaxes, and I'm more able to enjoy the stuff that really is so good. (It also puts it in perspective to know that his parents pretty much never said "I love you" to him - even though they do. It's just not what's done in his family. Also, he grew up Catholic, and I see the conflict that created in him.)
And understanding/having a perspective is all great & wonderful - as long as it fits into my overall package of needs.
When I was younger, it wouldn't have been enough. But for the person I am now, what he does give me -- even if I still can wish he'd more more verbally generous/expressive, etc. -- *is* enough. When I was younger my insecurity & need to get more proof of being loved & wanted would have taken over and I would have either been angry at him/picked fights/"made him show" that he wants me, or given him the cold shoulder and been out of there.

[Virya]

I read a lot of your previous posts and about the 'distance' thing.. and the 'ignoring you thing'... was that always there- even in the beginning in your case?


In a situation I was in for this past week- its driving me crazy. I have been trying to stay cool and patient because I know itll be rewarding in the long end, but it is making me think that maybe he lost interest.

we met a lil over a month ago at some event, we have a mutual friend, and we talked- he got my number, and then a week and a half later texted me saying he couldnt stop thinking about me since... he asks to take me out on a date and if id like to go to his family reunion. I said yes to both. I thought he was moving a lil fast, but didnt think twice about. I was interested in getting to know him so I said yes.

He would text me 4-5 days a week. And last saturday we had a long text messaging conversation- it ended with me thinking he was implying something (to send him indecent pics) and him saying no, but i was really light about it and nice, there wasnt any drama or argument. i texted the next day(to show that i wasnt mad or anything etc)- no response... and he hasnt talked to me since . Its completely different from what he used to do. We were supposed to see each other soon... So Idk if I should just let him come to me and text me or should i send him a hello. A part of me feels he lost interest in me... and that he doesnt really care to get to know me anymore- thats what it seems like by these actions.

But then I am remembering what everyone is writing and maybe he is actually busy and just needs HIM time.

[ananda]

Hm. Well, I'm no expert.
But in the past, I was always a sort of "liberal"/"liberated" woman who'd take whatever action I felt moved to take, and forget convention. I haven't changed my mind about that, but I just don't feel like driving things along the way I used to not mind driving things along. I'd rather be with a man now who shows me he's able to take action, too. I don't know how old you two are, but digital life has changed the rhythm of contact, and I think sometimes modern habits don't really fit natural rhythms - I mean, I think sometimes slower responses are really just very natural.
If I was in your situation, even if some part of me could get triggered and feel insecure or irked or antsy for more to come my way, I think I'd just leave it for a while. You did your part. He knows where you stand. Don't let him think you're too anxious or need reassurance from him - that only unconsciously or consciously registers in him as potentially high-maintenance. Show him you're fine and that a little distance doesn't destroy you. Most men still have hunter instinct and like to be reminded of that part of themselves, too. Immerse yourself in your own life (that's where it really helps to have a full & healthy life before a relationship, so we don't need that to fill a big hole - which could be another type of pressure on a potential partner). Who knows what the reason is for his distancing. I wouldn't interpret it too much. If you've only been seeing each other a month, that's not yet the foundation where he'd be likely to turn to you in times of trouble.
I remember at the beginning with my guy, there was a week where we went longer without texting or making plans - maybe 1 week or so. I just didn't worry about it. He resurfaced, and after that, in our case anyway, things just went deeper.
So do things that you love & enjoy, and feel enriched by your life no matter what. That can only do good, right?

[ananda]

Capricorn & Saturn... Something to think about:

Maybe it can be easier to deal with what feels hard about being intimate with a Capricorn if we think of it like being intimate with Saturn... :-))
And maybe loving a Capricorn can teach us what it would mean to learn to love Saturn.
Saturn is not easy.
But Saturn is not bad. And Saturn is not trying to hurt people. And Saturn isn't playing games - ha, just the thought of it!
Maybe when we want Caps to be different than they are, maybe it's like we're trying to change Saturn! How arrogant, no...??
We need Saturn to be the way Saturn is!

Funny, to realize that Saturn-influenced people often are drawn to older partners. I can see that I had to mature a lot before I was ready to appreciate my Saturn-influenced Cappy man. And funny enough, I'm older than he is.
And it's definitely also true that it took me a long time in my life to feel ready to accept and embrace the lessons of Saturn.

Wow, Saturn takes a lot of projection-crap from people!
Saturn actually deserves to be appreciated.
Capricorns, too.