cancer male - pisces female

[Sue]

I'm a Pisces female 26 years old.I've been seeing a Cancer guy for a few months, I didn't take it very seriously at first as wasn't looking for anything serious with him, though his sweetness and affectionate nature got me hooked. I recently moved city to do a one year course and beforehand tried to discuss it with him. he really avoided the topic and when I moved I decided we should go on a break. since then we have been in touch infrequently and both miss each other, then i didn't hear from him for ages 'till he phoned me saying he was coming to visit. Since then I heard so little from him I gave up ..then he gets in touch calling me 'stranger', I rang him to speak to him and he doesn't answer my call. Is communication with a cancer normally this difficult. !!!!!

[Carmen]

Its possible he is trying not to get himself so attached by not being too consistent with his communication. I know alot of Cancer men who have done this in an attempt to protect their feelings and their vulnerability. Since you moved away for a year, perhaps you can not offer to him what he needs right now (in his mind) and he doesnt want to deal with the long distanceness on a personal level.

[Sue]

Hi Carmen,
thanks for your reply...yeah you may be right ... It's difficult for me because I can't speak to him and I know he has a problem communicating. I'm a bit sad though to let the relationship die like this, I don't feel I can continue anymore without some encouragement from him..

[Sue]

Hi Guys,
just to keep you posted on recent developments....having not heard from my cancer male in ages I bit the bullet and got in touch with him. He had lost his job (he has been working 2 jobs and is up to his eyes in debt) and said he was feeling sorry for himself and hadn't been a nice person to be around lately. I felt sorry for him but he knows me well enough to know I would have supported him if he told me....So now he can't come to visit me and aI asked where he thought it left the two of us ..back to the long distance thing I suppose he said.....I was so fed up as he is not making a good effort to be in touch so said lets not bother your not making the effortt and its annoying though I will be home in a month. He said ok lets call it a day and i'll try to be more in touch!!!!! I said your not getting my point the idea is to end things..Then he got all narky and childish and said "ok, see ya if I see ya" (this is all through text message b.t.w.!) So I had to say look its not that I don't want to see you its that its just dragging things out. SO he said sorry and said ok lets leave things and do our own thing and 'if ya wanna get in touch in dec you have my no.' !!!!!!!!!
I was so annoyed he wants me to take all the responsibility for everything. I thought maybe his pride was dented but he just needs to make more effort and isn't even though he says he really likes me it seems he just wants to keep me dangling and I feel I've stretched out the olive branch too many times for him......
I'm trying to forget about it and move on though I don't trust myself not to meet him when I'm home for Xmas which I know will be messy... Probably he doesn't care about me and is trying to be nice.
Any ideas?

[audrey]

hey hun, you may have seen my posts on another cancer discussion- well i'm in almost the exact situation (i too started by telling him i didn't want anything serious, but found i actually felt differently and was scared to admit it to myself, let alone him!).
i really really wish i had a good answer or THE answer..all i know is there are a few of us with very similar scenarios with cancer men at the moment...quite comforting to know, but also interesting, something is definately going on with them lol.
i'm leaving mine to come to me now..he is flirty, nice and non committal about meeting up- like he avoids it for fear of his emotions or something. so that is my plan at the moment- he might come to me, which would be a dream come true or he might not, either way i can't do more.

see how you feel..and i'd say follow your gut instinct. if you really wana see him when u get bck for xmas, then do...seeing eachother might help a lot to get a sense of what he feels when directly in front of you :)

[Sue]

Hey Audrey,
Yeah they are problematic!!! I think they are big softies but keep holding back or going so far and then withdrawing!!! Extremly frustrating maybe a bit too similar to us fish folk!
I think you'll find after a bit of time your guy will come back to you..they are curious by nature!!!
Mine too very flirty and everything is casual and jokey.... Hope you hear from him very soon...

I'm just gonna enjoy the space for the moment and see what happens...

Thanks for your reply
:)

[Sue]

Yeah that seems quite accurate at the moment,

although we didn't have these problems until I moved away...

I have the feeling that he cares about me but is too afraid or proud to initiate anything or maybe I'm wrong! Anyhow I have to stop thinking about it and am considering the relationship finished as its too exhausting trying to read someone elses mind!

Good luck with your crabby guy! :)

Sue

[firey_ice]

umm..sue, as a female pisces (also crushing on my cancer fren..), i can kinda relate how you feel..we're really on friends zone since he got official gf and lots of flings.. yup..if you don't contact him, he will come around saying 'what were you up to?'..then he'd stay for about 2-3 days keeping the communication..then he will disappear again..and when he comes back and you are not around, he'll come look for you..well i think i'm getting too used to it so much that we keep this 'hide and seek' game going on for almost 1 year =D..
i think your man's just afraid of his own attachment with you. (well you will know better.)..in my case, i was fortunate as i can always ask one of my junior friend (who is sharing the same dorm with him) what he was up to. (live-in spy) ..(but when he comes back, he always updates me what is going on..i think we talk about everything under the sun..)
good luck with your guy =) personally, apart from the disappearing act, we, pisces, can pretty much tolerate those moon children. =P
firey_ice

[Suz]

I agree with the others who have posted. Cancer males are like that. Very emotional, much like us Piscean ladies... But I'm sure he is doing what everyone else has said. Good luck with whatever your choice is!!

[Sue]

Hi Girls,
Thanks for your replies...yes maybe us Pisceans are a little too similar to these watery men...
I felt we had a good connection and find his behaviour very cowardly. Though its hard I've decided to not get in contact with him again....probably I won't hear from him again and that will be the end of our relationship which makes me really sad, but if he won't make an effort it seems pointless.
Thanks for the words of advice.
Sue

[Carmen]

I just had a chance to browse through your post a gain, sorry for the delay! Well in his defense, Im gonna say, he lost his job, hes up to his ears in debt....I dunno he doesnt sound like he is all mentally and emotionally there. I know if I was in a similar situation, I'd probably be going nuts right now and not have the energy to focus on anything else. I am going through a similar situation right now, not as extreme, but I am stressed. I have snapped at many people: friends, family...over the course of this period, just because I have yet to sort out my own issues and I cant handle someone nagging me about something else at the moment. I would imagine that a cancer man wouldnt want to initiate anything, not because anything that has to do with you, but more because of his unfortunate situation right now. He wont be able to provide for you, visit you, focus all of his mental energy on you...and im sure he is thinking of this. It is up to you if you would like to cut off all contact. I think I would not contact him for now but when you come back for xmas, I would. Something casual and cute, just to hang out and see if there are any sparks still left. Maybe he will take that opportunity to explain himself and what he has been going through. At the least you can still maintain a friendship right?

[Sue]

Hey Carmen,
thanks for your reply. Its true his situation at the moment is really stressful and very consuming I'm sure.. and I do feel bad for him. On the other hand I think sometimes things are a lot more simple than we care to believe and he just doesn't care enough to make the effort. Maybe I will meet him anyhow just to speak face to face and we can try and be civil.... although I'm quite sure he'll leave me to making the initial contact which makes me question if I should bother at all. I realise I probably shouldn't take it all so personally but I guess the bottom line is I still have some feelings for him, unfortunately. :(
I would just like a drama free situation, which is almost never the case in realtionships!

[Greek Cancer]

Τo all the nice ladies who think they have problems with Cancer men.

In case you are interested, please follow my advise. NEVER..NEVER..NEVER..

1) make him feel that he is your second or third priority, by putting anybody or anything else above him.
2) Stop communicating with him, nomatter what is the reason.

Come on ladies, make him feel that he is really your king and he will be your slave for ever.

Trust me...!!!