Pices woman....Virgo man.... mentally draining? Or is it me?
I am a Pices woman in a relationship with a Virgo man born Sept 22 myself March 1. We have been dating since July 07 and I have found that he is very secretive which I hate because I am very open. We are so opposite that I can't stand it, but can't seem to let go of what is evident. When I first met him I had a feeling he was in a relationship but couldn't quite catch him. After telling myself that I had to keep my distance and guard my heart he would show up more often because I would keep him at a distance, let him call me, I would never call him. I would date other people so I would keep him in my mind as my friend because I knew he wasn't totally honest with me. Needless to say, I don't know how he charmed his sneeky self into my heart, but he did.
He has been married twice and is only 39. Was still married to his second wife at the time we met (my feeling at first but couldn't put my finger on it). He never wants to discuss this. We see each other very often even though we live just about an hour apart. We talk to each other everyday, and both have blackberry's so we email all day. He has a very demanding job ( i hate) so I often find myself at his job twice a week so we can have lunch and so I can make sure he gets his dose of "ME" seeing how I know most men need sex at least once a week. He is very attentive for the most part but I don't know if I like his way of treating our relationship.
ISSUE #1
I am very open with him, I basically tell him everything... him on the other hand, he keeps his personal stuff hidden. I know things like, he has 2 children, 2 ex wives, where he works, how much money he makes, how much the mortgages are, his credit score, his doctors appointments and why he is there... things like that. But the things I don't know are... I never met his son that lives here, we don't spend the night together, and he acts as if he doesn't want me to meet his friends. Now he will talk to them on the phone at my house and they know I exist, but I have not met them and he knows this bothers me.
ISSUE#2
I am the kind of person that tells people that I love them. I am very affectionate all the time, I tell him that I love him all the time as well as I show him by going the extra mile in the relationship. When he is at my house he always has his needs. I know he likes to have a drink (alcohol), food, ESPN...he has this. As well as he is always at that damn job, so I know he can't leave when he wants to and my career is more flexible so I do what I feel I need to to keep him happy. But I don't feel that he does the same. Our work off days are totally different, he is off on Friday and Sat, I am Sun and Mon, but more flexible because I am a hairstylist. He is an engineer and even on his off days he has to go do readings and logs as well as he is on call so if his job calls and says there is a problem, he has to go even in the middle of the night. So we don't get to have overnights, as well as I have a 12 year old at home that I have to get to school.
ISSUE #3
I caught him flirting/cheating online in March. I knew he still had this profile on this website but it said his status was penpal, he said he was waiting for his subscription to end and that he could not email these women because he hadn't paid...yea you read it correctly, he has a subscription but didn't pay. SO we are sitting at lunch one day and his boy calls and he tells him he broke up with his girl, so he tells him to go to this website and use his screenname and passcode to look. Needless to say this idiot gave him the info while I am sitting there. Without skipping a beat...my mental notes were taken. I didn't really want to do it but my curiosity got the best of me and I looked. So as I suspected he was emailing all these women and I found out things that really hurt. I didn't find evidence that he had slept with anyone, but he was keeping in contact with a few of them offline also. And to my suprise..this is how I found out that he was probably not being honest about the second wife.
I found out that he was still with her when he met me and there after for a few months, and I still have not seen divorce papers.
ISSUE#4
He always makes excuses for why he isn't doing certain things. And his 18 year old son is always one of them. Or his sick dad who lives out of state that he doesn't have a great relationship with and now he is in need of a heart transplant and he is trying to rebuild them before it is too late. I do sympathize with him because I lost my mom due to breast cancer 3 years ago, the difference is that me an her had the best relationship. He just can't separate his stresses from our relationship so I am always the firsst to be put on hold for everything...but I have to be there for him and be patient..... in his words. Am I being selfish? I think he using a lot of this to make sense of him being scared of commitment.
ISSUE #5
He doesn't know how to give a compliment, I can do my hair different, he says nothing, but let my hair be a mess he is gonna say so. I lose 10 pounds and 5 inches he says nothing, but if I gain 10 pounds he is gonna tell me. I wear a new hot dress to his job that looks great on me... does he notice? Yea right but I give him a glance that I am wearing no undies and guess what? He notices! I can't stand this!
I have dumped him time after time because I don't feel that he respects the relationship as I do. I keep communicating to him that I need more of him emotionally and I want to be married someday I am 34. He says he is not really thinking he wants to be married again, I can see this being that he has had 2 failed marriages...which I only knew in the beginning about the 1st one, and I may not have let myself get this involved with him at all. So I told him that he is probably not the man for me then because I intend to be a married woman and I feel he is waisting my time because we are not headed in the same direction. From the look on his face he wasn't very happy with what I said, but I was only being honest.
I have broke it off with him at least 8 times in this year we have been together because of our reasons listed above. He won't let go. I won't call him for a couple days or answer his emails and he will show up at my door at 6 am with no warning. It is always the same thing, now is when he tells me how much he loves me and that I am a good woman and he doesn't want to lose me, when I am fedup with his inconsistancies, no affection, not wanting to commit, secrets, and hiding the truth. Now he wants to talk things out and work on us. I gave him a copy of Jennifer Hudsons song Spotlight cause he reminds me of that song. I do believe that he loves me but in some weird kinda way. I am just still worried about the end of this marriage... I don't think he is still with her, but I think he has not been divorced very long, and he is smart enough not to tell me the truth because he knows I am and will leave him.
SO...as you can see I have trust issues with him. Maybe I am not understanding him? Maybe I am picking at something that may or may not be? Maybe I am looking for a way out? I love him but is love enough? Is this something that can work or am I fooling myself? Any other guy...I would be gone by now because my BS level is none, if I am not getting what I need in the relationship I am gone. Why is it so hard for this one?
He has been married twice and is only 39. Was still married to his second wife at the time we met (my feeling at first but couldn't put my finger on it). He never wants to discuss this. We see each other very often even though we live just about an hour apart. We talk to each other everyday, and both have blackberry's so we email all day. He has a very demanding job ( i hate) so I often find myself at his job twice a week so we can have lunch and so I can make sure he gets his dose of "ME" seeing how I know most men need sex at least once a week. He is very attentive for the most part but I don't know if I like his way of treating our relationship.
ISSUE #1
I am very open with him, I basically tell him everything... him on the other hand, he keeps his personal stuff hidden. I know things like, he has 2 children, 2 ex wives, where he works, how much money he makes, how much the mortgages are, his credit score, his doctors appointments and why he is there... things like that. But the things I don't know are... I never met his son that lives here, we don't spend the night together, and he acts as if he doesn't want me to meet his friends. Now he will talk to them on the phone at my house and they know I exist, but I have not met them and he knows this bothers me.
ISSUE#2
I am the kind of person that tells people that I love them. I am very affectionate all the time, I tell him that I love him all the time as well as I show him by going the extra mile in the relationship. When he is at my house he always has his needs. I know he likes to have a drink (alcohol), food, ESPN...he has this. As well as he is always at that damn job, so I know he can't leave when he wants to and my career is more flexible so I do what I feel I need to to keep him happy. But I don't feel that he does the same. Our work off days are totally different, he is off on Friday and Sat, I am Sun and Mon, but more flexible because I am a hairstylist. He is an engineer and even on his off days he has to go do readings and logs as well as he is on call so if his job calls and says there is a problem, he has to go even in the middle of the night. So we don't get to have overnights, as well as I have a 12 year old at home that I have to get to school.
ISSUE #3
I caught him flirting/cheating online in March. I knew he still had this profile on this website but it said his status was penpal, he said he was waiting for his subscription to end and that he could not email these women because he hadn't paid...yea you read it correctly, he has a subscription but didn't pay. SO we are sitting at lunch one day and his boy calls and he tells him he broke up with his girl, so he tells him to go to this website and use his screenname and passcode to look. Needless to say this idiot gave him the info while I am sitting there. Without skipping a beat...my mental notes were taken. I didn't really want to do it but my curiosity got the best of me and I looked. So as I suspected he was emailing all these women and I found out things that really hurt. I didn't find evidence that he had slept with anyone, but he was keeping in contact with a few of them offline also. And to my suprise..this is how I found out that he was probably not being honest about the second wife.
I found out that he was still with her when he met me and there after for a few months, and I still have not seen divorce papers.
ISSUE#4
He always makes excuses for why he isn't doing certain things. And his 18 year old son is always one of them. Or his sick dad who lives out of state that he doesn't have a great relationship with and now he is in need of a heart transplant and he is trying to rebuild them before it is too late. I do sympathize with him because I lost my mom due to breast cancer 3 years ago, the difference is that me an her had the best relationship. He just can't separate his stresses from our relationship so I am always the firsst to be put on hold for everything...but I have to be there for him and be patient..... in his words. Am I being selfish? I think he using a lot of this to make sense of him being scared of commitment.
ISSUE #5
He doesn't know how to give a compliment, I can do my hair different, he says nothing, but let my hair be a mess he is gonna say so. I lose 10 pounds and 5 inches he says nothing, but if I gain 10 pounds he is gonna tell me. I wear a new hot dress to his job that looks great on me... does he notice? Yea right but I give him a glance that I am wearing no undies and guess what? He notices! I can't stand this!
I have dumped him time after time because I don't feel that he respects the relationship as I do. I keep communicating to him that I need more of him emotionally and I want to be married someday I am 34. He says he is not really thinking he wants to be married again, I can see this being that he has had 2 failed marriages...which I only knew in the beginning about the 1st one, and I may not have let myself get this involved with him at all. So I told him that he is probably not the man for me then because I intend to be a married woman and I feel he is waisting my time because we are not headed in the same direction. From the look on his face he wasn't very happy with what I said, but I was only being honest.
I have broke it off with him at least 8 times in this year we have been together because of our reasons listed above. He won't let go. I won't call him for a couple days or answer his emails and he will show up at my door at 6 am with no warning. It is always the same thing, now is when he tells me how much he loves me and that I am a good woman and he doesn't want to lose me, when I am fedup with his inconsistancies, no affection, not wanting to commit, secrets, and hiding the truth. Now he wants to talk things out and work on us. I gave him a copy of Jennifer Hudsons song Spotlight cause he reminds me of that song. I do believe that he loves me but in some weird kinda way. I am just still worried about the end of this marriage... I don't think he is still with her, but I think he has not been divorced very long, and he is smart enough not to tell me the truth because he knows I am and will leave him.
SO...as you can see I have trust issues with him. Maybe I am not understanding him? Maybe I am picking at something that may or may not be? Maybe I am looking for a way out? I love him but is love enough? Is this something that can work or am I fooling myself? Any other guy...I would be gone by now because my BS level is none, if I am not getting what I need in the relationship I am gone. Why is it so hard for this one?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mariah21 on -
Okay one pisces to another and i know you heard this before "dump that zero and get yourself a hero" Its hard because your a pisces and we are always looking to find a guy that is all messed up to help!!!. Get out while u can, its not YOU its HIM.
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Permalink Reply by jayeroshann on -
OMG! We as Pices always seem to find a needy man. I was hoping he wasn't totally hopeless but... He is draining me. I am tired of talking to him and expressing my feelings and my needs and he hears me but he just seems to be really selfish, its all about him until I am on my way out of his life.
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Permalink Reply by misskitty on -
Issue #3 girl.... as Bill Engvall says- "Here's your sign!"
Don't even think twice about a man who is willing to lie about things like this.
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Permalink Reply by lynn on -
Speaking a flighty fish myself, it's easy to get caught up. My therapist told me I have "wounded bird syndrome" I fix their wings and then they fly away, and make someone else a perfectly good man!
Get out now, he is taking up space. He is not ready for what you have to offer. He's parked in the spot where your real man is supposed to be. You might miss him while you're making sure this loser needs are being met.
And come on, being a Pisces, I know you have several men floating around trying to get next to you. Let them.
I saw a shirt the other day "Pisces: Good to Get, Hard to Keep" Pretty much means, when the fairy dust fades it's time for us to go! But you knew that already, we are psychic for a reason.
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Permalink Reply by jayeroshann on
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AMEN to that! I seem to always get the guy with all the baggage and he dumps it off here and moves on until, he realizes that he had it great with me and i am irreplacable and wants to return after I am no longer interested.
And you know being a pices there always seems to be suitors that we can't seem to see because of the blinders. But what I do know is that we feel everything, people and him, don't understand how I know what I know... I don't know why but my feeling tell me.
I am accepting that it isn't working, but he is a hard one to shake. He won't let go, I have even told him that I am in prayer for my seperation in heart from him. So now he wants to go back to church and be a better person.
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Permalink Reply by Mariah21 on
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Yeah were sickening sometimes arent we..lol..so many men to heal, so little time..i love the pisces shirt remark!! think im going to make me one..lol..you know Jay you should get one made and wear it around mr. jerk..lol. I dont know about you other pisces but I have a hard time being close to virgos, they are so darn picky and think they know everything ( I hope i dont offend any virgos here I was thinking of my sister when i commented..lmao)
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Permalink Reply by lynn on
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Hey when we love you, there is no one better then a fish. But then there is always that one thing, that one thing that makes a click and we scream "Oh my God, you ain't shi*! I am so out of here"
You need to find that place and get there.
I have never known a Virgo man. I might have to put that on my bucket list!
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